Surviving.......The JOURNEY

 Well its more of the same old crap.  enclosing the latest communication from the jailer  Then my thoughts.   Fact, it is almost impossible or me to make it outside without help.  I have NOT been checked on now for over 2 weeks.  They do know that I am still alive cause I go to the bathroom and have gro. delivered.  At least the kid brings them down to my room . Especially since he drives my car that I don't have access to, he doesn't even have a DL and he is over 21.  I also pay the insurance under the guise of the boy is buying the dog food for my dogs, a 30lb bag when I was going thru a 40/50 b bag. They complain about my dogs getting up early but make no consideration of maybe they have to go to bathroom and then they are punished by using a cattle prod type instrument to punish them for whining or barking.  And of course, they are not allowed in my room cause I might let them pee in it.  I am not a child. If they would let me h...

 So much time has passed  I have lost the will to live life. I am not in danger of self harm, I just want to cease living.  I have not pleasure. Can't be with my dogs.  I have to walk on eggshells. If I speak I am wrong if I don't speak I am wrong.  My son keeps threatening to send me back to the nursing home. I asked him why he wa being so mean and he said he was being kind allowing me to live in his home.  How does anyone thrive in that kind of environment?  I am so lost and wonder why I was allowed to live. this is not living /  I am not even existing. i don't understand this life I have, if thats what you want to call it,  I should have died in comparison to this life.  I wear diapers and constantly changing them.  Very hard for me to stand up and not fall over.  This is not life, Its torture,  There is no quality of life here, It is made apparent to me that I am not welcome here, especially after what my son said to m...

 I never imagined my life as it is today.  Isolated from my friends, fearing that I will be homeless because my son is pussy whipped.  I am living in fear of not enough food or the kind I like.  I have no rights here, as the dog across hallway barks all day long when owner isn't home.  I have been told to just deal with it,  This way of living is what I didn't want m mom and dad to have.  And I saw to it that she didn't have to live that way.  I so much want to die, I live with the threat of every day, that if I don't like it here they will send me back to the nursing home. I battle these thoughts every day.  My son has abandonded me to the hatefulness of his "christian" wife..  What a joke and its all on me.   Fear is something I have lived most of my life with,  I never thought that my son would leave me like he has..My stomach feels like a fire going most times.  This morning I am doing my best to straighten up my ...