Surviving.......The JOURNEY

  opps, Help me I've fallen and I can't get up . Ya, didn't hurt myself, but I was on the floor. Interesting situation, I could have called for help BUT I needed to see if I could get up on my own. YES I did it. Took a while, but I did it. I had a really bad night, I'm having allergies get me then. I can't imagine what is causing it. Bummer. But it means that I don't sleep. And I am doing my best to not take the Tylenol. Ok, I am reminded that I have been thru hell the last year. Therapist says don't be so hard on yourself. I really don't know how not to be. I feel like a failure. My definition? Having to depend on someone else for anything. I know, cry me a river...Living on the Hill, I would just do what I please. Continuing my skills of problem solving, which I excelled at. And now I have encountered a problem that I am unable to solve, and thus a failure. When I put my mind on finding a solution, I find that my physical limitations are...

Its been almost 3 weeks since I've changed addresses.  I have done my best to do it all myself.  OK I admit defeat.  I can work on accepting this stage of the recovery.  It goes against the very grain of my being,  I don't like being weak.   Maybe that's where the humility comes in.  There is still so much I need help with.  I tried to do my shower today and fell.  Managed  to get up and give myself a sponge bath.  Finally  made it back to my chair. Rested and then lunch was brought to me, made me so happy.   I finally was able to clean up my room and I moved the printer over to the dresser, I set in my wheel chair to accomplish these tasks. I guess necessity brings about inventions.   I do feel like a very cruel joke has been played on me.  I am so tired, so tired  I am feeling lost. Unsure of my future. Do I have a future?  The stomach issues are back. not as bad as before, but need Tyl...

 That means a trip to Durango.  With the walker,     I made the transfers fine, and walking pretty good. I didn't eat lunch, thought I would be ok until I got back,  HA  thats what I get for thinking. My visit went well,  The drama started trying to get home.   I couldn't get my transport to answer phone, I was hungry and tired.  So I texted Daphne and let her know what was going on, she finally got a hold of someone and said that they were on their way. Another HA.  The transporter didn't have a clue how to load me and I fell, cut my shin open again. Muscles were stretched that hadn't been.  Now I really am keeping it all together, didn;t say anything nasty,  YOU would be proud, actually by then I was just too tired, LOL  Anyway the young lady asked if I needed anything and I asked if she had anything to snack on, she had a pbj sandwich, which she had taken a bite out of, Ok beggers can't be choosers. Took off t...

 I am so glad that I get to see my dr. tomorrow,  I am having such fits with my stomach.  Dry heaves this morning, after I took my shower.  I am despondent on what I consider a set back.  I can't figure out if I am not eating often enough or too much, which I doubt that.  I had mac and cheese for lunch and I did have a late breakfast.  But showering allowed me to move around, which is good but not good when tummy goes awry.   I don't really know what was on my mind, I guess I would be healed of all the little things?  That I would not need assistance?  High expectations, guess I need to make them a tad lower, realistic ones.  I was up a bit more cleaning up my room, putting small things away. Maybe that was to much.  I feel lost again.  Unable to control my emotions, and even that could be causing stomach issues.  After all I do have an ulcer.  Go figure.  I have become accustomed to sadness in my life ...

 I thought once I was able to leave the facility, I don't know what I thought really.  That I would instantly be better?  NOT  and of course I am learning the hard way.  I haven't hurt myself, but I have pushed way to hard and then I spend days recovering.  Even to the point of having to take a Tylenol or 2.  And movement seems to upset the tummy. So reality sets in and I tell myself to slooooow down. I am not used to doing that.  It continues to be part of my new life, LOL   A new life?  And that is? What?  Scary days, sleeplessness, leg weakness, depression.  I found out that I was only given half dosages on my antidepressant and my blood pressure meds.  Explains a lot. And none of it good for me.  Thankfully I have a Drs. appointment on Monday and we will get it all straighten out.  I realise I have got to pay attention to my limitations. Ha that is funny.  Although walking without the waker is still...

This really hits close to home.  I am not dismissing these fancy people, art is what we make it.  But the majority of us are just everyday people with a PASSION for creative outlet to share with others and hopefully make a decent buck.   The COWGIRL COLLECTION Journal that I am in the process of creating has taken a lot of thought. ideas kicked around in my brain,  Which I will remind you of the past 11 months I have been in rehab recovering from West Nile Virus.  I do not tell you this for a pity sale, but to share the fortitude and desire to just not survive but to be able to find IF I could even do any kind of art.  It was a driving force in helping with a successful recovery, my definition of successful recovery. Of the many people in the facility who helped guarantee that I had the tools and support to achieve that, and in the end it was up to ME.  I could have given up, in fact I tried.  Now the creative juices are flowing, I am ev...

  Facebook Facebook Facebook Facebook Facebook Facebook Facebook Facebook Facebook Facebook Facebook Facebook Facebook Facebook Facebook Facebook Facebook Facebook Facebook Facebook Facebook Facebook Facebook Facebook Facebook Facebook Facebook Facebook Facebook Facebook Facebook Facebook Facebook Facebook Facebook Facebook Facebook Facebook Facebook Facebook Facebook Facebook Facebook Facebook Active I posted the below on my facebook page a couple of days ago and thought it was well written enough to repost here.    I am out of the nursing home, since Monday July 1.  Hard to make adjustments. But must realize that I must continue to rest and take it easy.  This is the middle page of the new Cowgirl Collection Journal.  Still looking for the right paper to print this one. Shared with Pub Day 3 of freedom, What a concept. I was not kept a prisoner at Vista Grande, I was a prisoner in my own body. Jokes aside. It is wonderful to do my thing. I am caref...