The Faith of a mustard seed

I have been thinking of this for quite a while. Do I even have that? I have endured a lot of hellish trials in my life. And not questioned to much as the why. Although I have discovered that this could be the root of where bitterness comes in. The why me? What did I do or not do? I have been reminded of Job and his trials and then God's blessings upon him. In no way do I pretend to be like Job. Sometimes I just would like some answers. My children have endured me being their mother. Raising them in what I now come to believe was a cult. I still suffer from the effects of that Church, I can't imagine how they deal with it. They do not attend any church. Evidently I failed at that job I have asked myself so many times, do I even have faith. How do I know? Is my expectation of being blessed to high? Should I even have expectations? We are told from the pulpit to ask God for fulfilling his promises. Bu...